I like to keep things clearcut and simple. Bam. Wham. Over. Done with.
But this is nice, too. Lingering on the edge, dangling over the precipice knowing that even a meteor could not push me over. So I'm just grateful that he doesn't act like he senses my willingness. I'm grateful he acts oblivious to the fact that the sound of his voice reverberates up and down my spine to the point where I can hardly understand what exactly he is saying, just revelling in the vibration. And when our toes touch I awkwardly move my foot away millimeter by millimeter. And when he playfully pats the back of my head in a bigbrotherly way, I relax into the touch and close my eyes and just hope he doesn't notice how my breath catches.

It's daunting but at the same time it's safe. There are moments when my brain wants to scream, "Just cut the crap and take what's on offer! To hell with this rigamarole! Do it!" - but it passes pretty quickly, because suppose he did, then what? There is no revelation, no magical world beyond this looking glass, it breaks and all you get will be just sharp shards.