Have just skyped Sergey. Met his three-month-old son. The elder one is six now. He sees Oleg about once a couple months. Why is it that I always ask about the boys first and have to buildup courage to ask about A.? This is stupid. Why does my heart halt every time I ask about him? Why does it sting when Sergey talks about A's wife? AP had a relapse on Women's day. Didn't show up for work after the long weekend, reportedly. Why does it make me wanna cry? What is this residue? I guess I just miss him is all. I guess I'm still jealous of whoever he talks to, or performs for, or you know, generally graces with his presence. I want to be that person again. I want to be there. Sometimes it gets so bad I even start to believe I'd even be willing to deal with his addiction. I am so going to hell for this. But he is worth it. He is that good.