00:48 

Getting back in the game?

I know I should start dating again. Mother has been poking around, suggesting I should some time bring Alyona to her and go on vacation with a man. Yeah right, like I could relax without her at my side. I have my family, I have my part-time shag, what more do I need?
Oh, that came out really bad. Of course, he's not just a shag. It's just the main purpose that drives him to me is all. We both know we care for each other, we just don't make a big deal of it. He's honest, forthright, open-minded, respectful of my privacy, and he is a phenomenal shag.
Still, maybe my mother has a point. Since I'm not in love with my daughter's father, I might as well see someone outside of bedsheets. You know, meet someone, pretend to be what they want me to be, pretend to buy whatever front they put up for my sake, spend their money on dinners and movies for a while, not go to third base for a few months.
And then what? Get bored in the middle of Chinese wishing I was somewhere else? Laugh at something else the moment they're done telling some joke I don't care to get?
What is the point of it all? Love? I know love. Better than I like. A father for my child? She already has the best father she could ask for. Money? I simply don't have what it takes to be a kept woman.
So, why? Why turn some innocent bloke's life to hell? Why waste his time and my time and mess with my daughter's head when I know I'll always love someone else?
Perhaps, I should just tell my mother I'm seeing someone. Nah. She'll expect him to take care of me and my daughter. Imaginary lovers are not very good at that sort of thing.

Wow, I've rambled like a whole book. A really dull dim one.

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